"Handstand Penguin"
@2013 All Rights Reserved: Isabelle Black Smith
...
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Perhaps in Fiction ...
"Dazed and Confused: A Rhapsody Beyond Pink"
@Copyrighted Photograph, February 2013. All Rights Reserved: Isabelle Black Smith.
"Perhaps in fiction, we writers can unleash the demons
that lurk within the dark shadows of our subconscious minds.
Giving them voice to freely untwist and unfold,
with sincerest hopes of achieving
a long-held wanting of release
and a final peace, as we ourselves are at last
with pen to written words set free."
~Isabelle Black Smith
that lurk within the dark shadows of our subconscious minds.
Giving them voice to freely untwist and unfold,
with sincerest hopes of achieving
a long-held wanting of release
and a final peace, as we ourselves are at last
with pen to written words set free."
~Isabelle Black Smith
For I seem to be discovering, these days, that the words I am
most in need of hearing seem to be coming --most unexpectedly-- not from without,
but rather from deep within in a booming voice of subconscious release. … And as I write, I see now that there are some
wounds that cut too deeply to ever heal completely.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Acceptance and Peace ....
Think I had it wrong the other day (black-white-fading-shades-of-grey) ... I had black and white right, but not the grey:
"Been thinking a bit more about black, white and shades of grey. The latter --black, white and grey, in art as well as life-- seems to be in the forefront of my thoughts and dreams these days. Having really bad headaches lately, thus I am taking some opiate derivative for pain as a prescription medication --apparently opiates don't have the adverse side effect of thinning the blood? So maybe my thoughts and pondering are a bit swayed by the medication? But sitting here tonight, it occurs to me that perhaps 'black' is denial or outright despair while 'white' is hope and infinite possibility (light, in it's purest form) ... the shades of grey are just the difference in between. "
Grey isn't limbo or confusion --the in-between-- I think rather that grey is acceptance and maybe, at long last, peace.
"Been thinking a bit more about black, white and shades of grey. The latter --black, white and grey, in art as well as life-- seems to be in the forefront of my thoughts and dreams these days. Having really bad headaches lately, thus I am taking some opiate derivative for pain as a prescription medication --apparently opiates don't have the adverse side effect of thinning the blood? So maybe my thoughts and pondering are a bit swayed by the medication? But sitting here tonight, it occurs to me that perhaps 'black' is denial or outright despair while 'white' is hope and infinite possibility (light, in it's purest form) ... the shades of grey are just the difference in between. "
Grey isn't limbo or confusion --the in-between-- I think rather that grey is acceptance and maybe, at long last, peace.
"Night train arrives in a blanket of twilight fog"
@Copyrighted photograph, Jan. 2013. All Rights Reserved: Isabelle Black Smith.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Autumn Perspective ...
"Don't Fence Me IN!"
@Copyrighted Photograph. All Rights Reserved: Isabelle Black Smith.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Kissed By Raindrops ...
This poem was written many decades ago, but I have just
recently been able revisit my words of so very long ago ... found them in an old brown box I'd been carrying around from place to place --with each move-- but somehow I never seemed to have the time (courage?) to open the box. Finally strong enough to share them here with
you now …
“Kissed By Raindrops”
Outside Pouring Rain,
Angels' tears
Trickle down
To puddles …
Ripples echo
Dripping drops’
Sweet refrain.
Inside a storm begins
Its raging:
Tears in me
Welling up,
Bleeding pain,
Suppressing
Echoes that remain.
Walls are closing
In …
Have to run …
Fast and far.
Where doesn’t really matter.
Just run to where
You can’t follow me.
Barefoot running,
No one’s coming:
Running hard,
Right on through
The pounding pain …
Run, run, run till I can’t
Run no more.
Collapsing into
Tear-soaked puddle,
Angels' tears …
They draw me close
And hold me dear.
Touch me ever-so
Tenderly where fear resides.
Their faith abides,
Wash away the pain.
With Angel kisses renewing,
My inner storm subsides
... And on my way
Back home
I find myself, somehow,
Dancing softly in the gentle rain.
Angels' tears
Trickle down
To puddles …
Ripples echo
Dripping drops’
Sweet refrain.
Inside a storm begins
Its raging:
Tears in me
Welling up,
Bleeding pain,
Suppressing
Echoes that remain.
Walls are closing
In …
Have to run …
Fast and far.
Where doesn’t really matter.
Just run to where
You can’t follow me.
Barefoot running,
No one’s coming:
Running hard,
Right on through
The pounding pain …
Run, run, run till I can’t
Run no more.
Collapsing into
Tear-soaked puddle,
Angels' tears …
They draw me close
And hold me dear.
Touch me ever-so
Tenderly where fear resides.
Their faith abides,
Wash away the pain.
With Angel kisses renewing,
My inner storm subsides
... And on my way
Back home
I find myself, somehow,
Dancing softly in the gentle rain.
@Copyrighted Poem: Isabelle Black Smith, October 2012. All Rights Reserved.
There is an unwritten line at the end ... "Hopeful that one day I'll find my voice to sing again." A decade++ later, I still haven't found that voice, my voice to sing again, but I'm still hopeful ... ]
... Early A.M.: Still awake. Bad headache. Listening to music, fiddling around with words off & on. Came up with this to "compare" to my write above, from younger days ...
“Raindrops”
Clearing Angels’ sublime vision.
Cascade of tear-dropped
Viscous tension …
Fluid encapsulated,
Heaven’s knowing
transcends perfection.
Silent prayers raining down.
Frequency and intensity varying,
Echoing pitter-patter marrying:
Pouring forth to renew,
Heaven’s subtle reminder that
All that is heard need not be spoken.
Cascade of tear-dropped
Viscous tension …
Fluid encapsulated,
Heaven’s knowing
transcends perfection.
Silent prayers raining down.
Frequency and intensity varying,
Echoing pitter-patter marrying:
Pouring forth to renew,
Heaven’s subtle reminder that
All that is heard need not be spoken.
@Copyrighted Poem: Isabelle Black Smith, November 2012.
All Rights Reserved.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
Anonymously Captured ....
One of my first ever photographs on this photographic journey.
"Morning Has Broken"
[Compliments to Blogger here: My photos always look so great with your viewing
software. Not always the case with other applications that I use on-line.]
“Anonymously Captured”
Not in search of honor or high praise,
Don’t want recognition all ablaze.
Simply seeking snapshots far and few:
Look through my lens and renew.
Joyful sharing of beauty that abounds,
Serendipitous moments to astound!
With ‘unseen’ world: perpetually enraptured.
Forever suspended, freezing space in time,
An ever-unfolding story with child-like rhyme …
My window on the world: anonymously captured.
@Copyrighted Poem: Isabelle Black Smith, Nov. 1, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This pretty much sums up my philosophy on my photography. To my way of thinking, why would I waste your time showing you that which you could already see with your own two eyes?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Asynchronous Beat ...
Trying to write an upbeat, "happy" poem for Autumn today. The poem started its flowing out rather nicely, but somewhere along the way the restlessness in me started to sing --like an unruly child-- with a counter-posing asynchronous beat. So I wound up throwing my hands up in utter defeat!?! Seems Autumn will have to take the back seat to the restlessness within me ....
"Asynchronous Beat"
There is an unsettling in me.
An unsettling that will find its way out.
Hiding behind voices of reason.
Whispering taunts of treason.
Shadows of doubt.
Inside, outside,
Right-side out?
Which way is UP?
Who is me?
No longer content to just be:
Standing on my edge, with a
Secret longing to be FREE ....
@Copyrighted Poem, October 2012. All Right Reserved: Isabelle Black Smith.
Sometimes, the most brilliant people have the most persuasive demons? ; ) Going for a run ...
And I'm back and happy to report that I was able to finish my 'Autumnal' write after all. Not my most brilliant work, but the completion of my formal, structured Autumnal serenade represents a personal triumph for me on a number of different levels. And hey, I found something 'constructive' to occupy the unruly child in me ... So it's all good?
"Ridophe", By Edward Reginald Frampton
(Image Courtesy of Artmagick)
"Asynchronous Beat"
There is an unsettling in me.
An unsettling that will find its way out.
Hiding behind voices of reason.
Whispering taunts of treason.
Shadows of doubt.
Inside, outside,
Right-side out?
Which way is UP?
Who is me?
No longer content to just be:
Standing on my edge, with a
Secret longing to be FREE ....
@Copyrighted Poem, October 2012. All Right Reserved: Isabelle Black Smith.
Sometimes, the most brilliant people have the most persuasive demons? ; ) Going for a run ...
And I'm back and happy to report that I was able to finish my 'Autumnal' write after all. Not my most brilliant work, but the completion of my formal, structured Autumnal serenade represents a personal triumph for me on a number of different levels. And hey, I found something 'constructive' to occupy the unruly child in me ... So it's all good?
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I See the Moon ... The Moon Sees Me?
I was so tired last night. Thus, I knew that there would likely be some dreaming in store for me. My earlier Bilal dream has yet to resolve? Fortunately, I didn't wind up having any bad dreams. Last night's dream wasn't filled with deep messages or hidden meanings for me to uncover. For a change, instead my dream was kind of fun, maybe even funny? Well, it was funny to me ... my finding the nerve to finally leave the boring party, with all of the stuffy old adults carrying on. My running barefoot through the nighttime in my evening dress and then trying to climb a tree after consuming half a bottle of champagne. Think the champagne is symbolic of my subconscious mind ... wanting to be free, uninhibited, no longer restrained maybe? My subconscious mind has quite the sense of humor, at times, I think.
So what was the dream? ...
Apparently, I had been at some sort of semi-formal party -- for 4th of July or some other holiday, because I was wearing a strapless dress. As the evening progressed, I had gotten bored with the social airs and keeping up appearances games going on inside: I don't play games, being the non-conformist (at heart) that I am. So I had slipped outside, with my own personal bottle of champagne. I took several long sips of the cool, bubbly champagne, straight from the bottle, and giggled as it tickled my tongue. Looking up into the nighttime sky, I saw the moon's dazzling rays dancing across the perfectly manicured grass in the distance. So I kicked off my uncomfortable, strappy-heeled shoes and began to run playfully through the cool nighttime grass in effort to chase after the moon.
At some point, I found a tree ... the perfect tree for climbing --one of my favorite things to do as kid was to climb trees-- so I took several big sips from my champagne bottle before setting the bottle onto the ground at the base of the climbing tree. Then I began climbing up into this fabulous tree. Of course my flowing, just below the knee, semi-formal dress was getting in the way of my ability to scale up into this fabulous tree, so I simply unzipped it, slipped out of it and sent it sailing down onto the ground below. I guess, my thinking was that if I climbed high enough up into the fabulous tree, I might actually be able to touch the moon.
So I climbed and climbed until I broke out of the tree top, and then there I sat perched in the tallest tree branches, just like a little bird in its nest, staring face to face with the magical moon. I smiled, laughed and spoke in a sing-song voice -- don't think it was actual singing as I cannot sing yet -- "I see the moon and the moon, she sees me." The moon smiled back at me. Then I heard voices down below ... Someone was looking for me, but I didn't want to be found. So I put my fingers up to my lips and whispered "Shhhh-hhhhhh ..." to the moon. She winked at me.
I sat quietly up in the tree-top trying my best to be quiet, but I couldn't stop giggling? Just like a kid, I guess, or too much champagne maybe? Soon enough, one of the voices had zeroed in on my tree. They called out to me, using my name. I didn't answer at first, but when they kept calling I finally said "She's not here!" As if that assurance alone would send said individual on their merry way. Of course, it didn't. The next thing I knew this individual was climbing up into the tree after me. I for my part, was not ready to be found and wondered momentarily if it would be possible for me to fly away, up into the sky into the arms of the moon. Just as I was completing this thought, however, a strong hand reached out and grabbed onto my forearm. Then a voice asked, "What do you think you're doing?"
"Playing with the moon." I replied. "She was lonely too." And then all of the sudden, I felt an incredible sense of peace and comfort. Then somehow I found my voice for song and I started to sing the children's lullabye ... "I see the moon. The moon sees me ..." The sound of my own voice actually singing startled me and I lost my footing in the tree. I started to fall, but the strong hand on my forearm caught me and kept me from falling.
"I've got you." The voice reassured me asthe body of this voice pulled me back onto the safety of the tree limb, where we then sat.
We just sat there silently staring at the moon for a time. Then the voice with the strong hand spoke. "I always knew that you had it within you to sing."
And the voice smiled at me. I smiled back, with such a sense of peace in my heart ... body, mind and soul. Then the voice spoke again ... "The moon and I think its time for you to come down out this tree now."
My first instinct --habitual instinct, almost a reflex I guess-- was to say that I wanted to stay up in the safety of the tree-top. But the voice sitting next to me said unequivocally, "No. It's time ... Time to come back down. You know this to be true in your heart."
And suddenly, I was aware of a warm, glowing feeling my chest ... A feeling as if I could actually FLY. The voice extended its hand and asked "Shall we?" Motioning to begin our climb down. I wondered silently in my mind, for the just the briefest second --old habits die hard, I guess?-- What if I fall? But almost before I could even complete this thought the voice said, "Then, I will catch you."
Thus reassured, with peace in my heart and the aid of the voice, with the strong hands, I began my wobbly climb back down out of the safety of my tree-top. When we reached the bottom of the tree, the voice with the strong hands reached down to retrieve my flowing chiffon dress, but I stopped them, lightly shaking my head with a smile at the realization that "I don't need that (the dress) anymore."
....
Later p.m. ... So what does this dream mean, if anything????
Back after taking kids to play tennis. Think maybe it's time for some lessons? So I put this dream here so that I could come back and try to make some sense of it later. Perhaps there are some hidden meanings here that have to be figured out after all? What does the dress symbolize? Who is the voice or it is just my inner voice finally awakening to a acknowledgement of my own strength? And so on ... We shall see what unfolds as I ponder this? Who needs therapy when you have dreams and blog, right? ; )
Well, I made dinner ... had a glass of wine and crashed shortly thereafter. I have been so tired lately? Very odd ... I am usually tired and wired as my normal operating mode. Must be catching up on weeks ... months ... of missed sleep. Anyhow, slept hard for 3 hours and I am up now. No dreams: my favorite kind of sleep. : ) Up now and I feel refreshed. Will probably do a bit of writing and then hopefully sleep for another three hours later?
I've been thinking about this dream and I am thinking that the voice in the dream is my inner voice saying "Hey! Don't go back up into the tree and hide. You are strong and you can do this reconnecting." You see, recently I've been taking some big steps for me in reconnecting with my past. So far it's been all good and really healing, but this is still new territory for me and it does leave me feeling a bit vulnerable and uncertain at times. I think that the other voices in the night were others from my past that I have yet to reconnect with. Ones that I am not ready to reconnect with. They will have to wait. The moon is just the moon. My oldest friend and source of inspiration [When I was little I could not go to sleep at night until I found the moon resting safely in the nighttime sky. Often times I would wait until everyone else in the house was asleep --because my parents were not very understanding or patient with my need to search out the moon each night. I wondered what shape she would assume --phases of the moon-- on any given night as I faithfully searched each and every window in the house until I found the moon, whereupon I would often curl up into a little ball with my blanket and fall asleep, right upon the floor, under the protection of the moon's magical and soothing moon beams. Crazy things kids do?] The one who understands me and takes me just as I am. I think the party is outside pressure to conform to a life that I'm really keen on being forced into? Don't know for certain ... Still working on that part. The dress is probably an extension of the conformity? The role that I'm supposed to play? We shall see. Often takes me awhile to figure out my crazy dreams and maybe sometimes dreams like these are just for FUN and nothing more. Me embracing my inner child ... the one who gives me hope and lights my way ahead in this sometimes confusing world.
Oh ... and 'singing' ... Well, I actually have not been able to sing ever since traumatic incidents occurred in my life long ago. This inability to sing is not a physical injury; my mind just won't let me sing. I've tried over the years and nothing comes out when I open my mouth to sing. I'm not entirely sure what it will take for my mind to release my voice for song once again? A friend of mine --part of my recent reconnecting-- recently pointed out that it seems apparent that I have not yet forgiven myself for painful events that have occurred in my life --though I have found forgiveness for those who hurt me. So perhaps, when I finally find it in me to truly forgive ME --said the words for others and me awhile back, but I don't think I truly meant them for me?-- I will then release my voice to sing again? But in tangible, concrete terms in the here and now, I think that finishing this new novel and being able to share it with the world will be a big part of finding my voice again. And on that note, I'm off to do some writing ...
8/5/2012 ... Just figured it out: The dress is my old way of thinking, believing, feeling ... the set of beliefs that I grew up with --hence the conformity. The dress was limiting me and my way of thinking ... my approach to life and the spiritual journey that I am on. That is to say, I couldn't climb and expand my way of thinking if I kept the dress on. By shedding the dress, I am finally ready to fully and completely embrace this new "universal" --all-encompassing-- way of thinking.
P.S. 7/20/2012 ... 9:30 a.m. ...
I saw your post and your “party story”, Paul. I read it late last night and my mind processed it overnight. I hadn’t seen the parallel between your story and mine until this morning. Rather intriguing with an interesting plot twist … maybe it’s the writer in me, but the outcome of your story was in the back of my mind even before I reached the end of your writing. Then again, maybe it’s knowing you and your need to always to be on the edge that tuned me into where you might be heading with your story about you. The latter being said: my dream is NOT about switching teams. Granted I don’t like being put into boxes, so I am not your typical woman (e.g., I have kept my child-like perspective on life and I don't/won't play the games that women so often play ... I am in a Math/Science career field) but I am very feminine and I really do like men.
Given the painful experiences in my life, you might think that would make me more inclined to experience other types of relationships, but that is just not for me. I know that my reference to “strength” in my dream strength and to “strong hands” … being strong, was meant to be ME finally awakening to the strength that I have within me. And the dress was just conformity to the role that some overbearing people in my life want to force upon me … being the “good wife”, shutting up and just taking all the crap shoveled my way... because that is what “nice girls” do, right? NOT!!
So thank you, Paul, for sharing your story. I think that you are on the right path for you. More power to you! More power to "Nichole." Not being a big fan of boxes, myself, I can respect his accomplishment. I’ll keep checking in to your blog every now and again to see how you are doing. Peace & Lots of Love to you. (And I haven’t forgotten about checking in again somewhere on down the line. I’m just not there yet … too many issues to sort out and work through myself still and Ken would be angry with me. I need to work on mending bridges and crossing them, not building fences.) God Bless!
7/21/2012 ... Well, have been thinking a bit more about your story, Paul. I wonder if you were also trying to say: "Be careful what you wish for?" That is to say, that all things being equal: sometimes things that we think we know are completely different beneath the surface upon up close/closer inspection. How very wise you are for someone always perched so precariously close to the precipice of a lofty edge ; ) Thank you, my friend. Message received and assimilated. XOXO
3/25/2013 Reading back over this, it occurs to me that perhaps this dream is a longing for my husband to try to find me ... reconnect with me on a deeper level once again, but at this point in our lives I don't think that is going to happen.
So what was the dream? ...
Apparently, I had been at some sort of semi-formal party -- for 4th of July or some other holiday, because I was wearing a strapless dress. As the evening progressed, I had gotten bored with the social airs and keeping up appearances games going on inside: I don't play games, being the non-conformist (at heart) that I am. So I had slipped outside, with my own personal bottle of champagne. I took several long sips of the cool, bubbly champagne, straight from the bottle, and giggled as it tickled my tongue. Looking up into the nighttime sky, I saw the moon's dazzling rays dancing across the perfectly manicured grass in the distance. So I kicked off my uncomfortable, strappy-heeled shoes and began to run playfully through the cool nighttime grass in effort to chase after the moon.
At some point, I found a tree ... the perfect tree for climbing --one of my favorite things to do as kid was to climb trees-- so I took several big sips from my champagne bottle before setting the bottle onto the ground at the base of the climbing tree. Then I began climbing up into this fabulous tree. Of course my flowing, just below the knee, semi-formal dress was getting in the way of my ability to scale up into this fabulous tree, so I simply unzipped it, slipped out of it and sent it sailing down onto the ground below. I guess, my thinking was that if I climbed high enough up into the fabulous tree, I might actually be able to touch the moon.
[ Photo by, Katie Hupel ... Do check out her page! : )]
So I climbed and climbed until I broke out of the tree top, and then there I sat perched in the tallest tree branches, just like a little bird in its nest, staring face to face with the magical moon. I smiled, laughed and spoke in a sing-song voice -- don't think it was actual singing as I cannot sing yet -- "I see the moon and the moon, she sees me." The moon smiled back at me. Then I heard voices down below ... Someone was looking for me, but I didn't want to be found. So I put my fingers up to my lips and whispered "Shhhh-hhhhhh ..." to the moon. She winked at me.
I sat quietly up in the tree-top trying my best to be quiet, but I couldn't stop giggling? Just like a kid, I guess, or too much champagne maybe? Soon enough, one of the voices had zeroed in on my tree. They called out to me, using my name. I didn't answer at first, but when they kept calling I finally said "She's not here!" As if that assurance alone would send said individual on their merry way. Of course, it didn't. The next thing I knew this individual was climbing up into the tree after me. I for my part, was not ready to be found and wondered momentarily if it would be possible for me to fly away, up into the sky into the arms of the moon. Just as I was completing this thought, however, a strong hand reached out and grabbed onto my forearm. Then a voice asked, "What do you think you're doing?"
"Playing with the moon." I replied. "She was lonely too." And then all of the sudden, I felt an incredible sense of peace and comfort. Then somehow I found my voice for song and I started to sing the children's lullabye ... "I see the moon. The moon sees me ..." The sound of my own voice actually singing startled me and I lost my footing in the tree. I started to fall, but the strong hand on my forearm caught me and kept me from falling.
"I've got you." The voice reassured me asthe body of this voice pulled me back onto the safety of the tree limb, where we then sat.
We just sat there silently staring at the moon for a time. Then the voice with the strong hand spoke. "I always knew that you had it within you to sing."
And the voice smiled at me. I smiled back, with such a sense of peace in my heart ... body, mind and soul. Then the voice spoke again ... "The moon and I think its time for you to come down out this tree now."
My first instinct --habitual instinct, almost a reflex I guess-- was to say that I wanted to stay up in the safety of the tree-top. But the voice sitting next to me said unequivocally, "No. It's time ... Time to come back down. You know this to be true in your heart."
And suddenly, I was aware of a warm, glowing feeling my chest ... A feeling as if I could actually FLY. The voice extended its hand and asked "Shall we?" Motioning to begin our climb down. I wondered silently in my mind, for the just the briefest second --old habits die hard, I guess?-- What if I fall? But almost before I could even complete this thought the voice said, "Then, I will catch you."
Thus reassured, with peace in my heart and the aid of the voice, with the strong hands, I began my wobbly climb back down out of the safety of my tree-top. When we reached the bottom of the tree, the voice with the strong hands reached down to retrieve my flowing chiffon dress, but I stopped them, lightly shaking my head with a smile at the realization that "I don't need that (the dress) anymore."
....
Later p.m. ... So what does this dream mean, if anything????
Back after taking kids to play tennis. Think maybe it's time for some lessons? So I put this dream here so that I could come back and try to make some sense of it later. Perhaps there are some hidden meanings here that have to be figured out after all? What does the dress symbolize? Who is the voice or it is just my inner voice finally awakening to a acknowledgement of my own strength? And so on ... We shall see what unfolds as I ponder this? Who needs therapy when you have dreams and blog, right? ; )
Well, I made dinner ... had a glass of wine and crashed shortly thereafter. I have been so tired lately? Very odd ... I am usually tired and wired as my normal operating mode. Must be catching up on weeks ... months ... of missed sleep. Anyhow, slept hard for 3 hours and I am up now. No dreams: my favorite kind of sleep. : ) Up now and I feel refreshed. Will probably do a bit of writing and then hopefully sleep for another three hours later?
I've been thinking about this dream and I am thinking that the voice in the dream is my inner voice saying "Hey! Don't go back up into the tree and hide. You are strong and you can do this reconnecting." You see, recently I've been taking some big steps for me in reconnecting with my past. So far it's been all good and really healing, but this is still new territory for me and it does leave me feeling a bit vulnerable and uncertain at times. I think that the other voices in the night were others from my past that I have yet to reconnect with. Ones that I am not ready to reconnect with. They will have to wait. The moon is just the moon. My oldest friend and source of inspiration [When I was little I could not go to sleep at night until I found the moon resting safely in the nighttime sky. Often times I would wait until everyone else in the house was asleep --because my parents were not very understanding or patient with my need to search out the moon each night. I wondered what shape she would assume --phases of the moon-- on any given night as I faithfully searched each and every window in the house until I found the moon, whereupon I would often curl up into a little ball with my blanket and fall asleep, right upon the floor, under the protection of the moon's magical and soothing moon beams. Crazy things kids do?] The one who understands me and takes me just as I am. I think the party is outside pressure to conform to a life that I'm really keen on being forced into? Don't know for certain ... Still working on that part. The dress is probably an extension of the conformity? The role that I'm supposed to play? We shall see. Often takes me awhile to figure out my crazy dreams and maybe sometimes dreams like these are just for FUN and nothing more. Me embracing my inner child ... the one who gives me hope and lights my way ahead in this sometimes confusing world.
Oh ... and 'singing' ... Well, I actually have not been able to sing ever since traumatic incidents occurred in my life long ago. This inability to sing is not a physical injury; my mind just won't let me sing. I've tried over the years and nothing comes out when I open my mouth to sing. I'm not entirely sure what it will take for my mind to release my voice for song once again? A friend of mine --part of my recent reconnecting-- recently pointed out that it seems apparent that I have not yet forgiven myself for painful events that have occurred in my life --though I have found forgiveness for those who hurt me. So perhaps, when I finally find it in me to truly forgive ME --said the words for others and me awhile back, but I don't think I truly meant them for me?-- I will then release my voice to sing again? But in tangible, concrete terms in the here and now, I think that finishing this new novel and being able to share it with the world will be a big part of finding my voice again. And on that note, I'm off to do some writing ...
8/5/2012 ... Just figured it out: The dress is my old way of thinking, believing, feeling ... the set of beliefs that I grew up with --hence the conformity. The dress was limiting me and my way of thinking ... my approach to life and the spiritual journey that I am on. That is to say, I couldn't climb and expand my way of thinking if I kept the dress on. By shedding the dress, I am finally ready to fully and completely embrace this new "universal" --all-encompassing-- way of thinking.
P.S. 7/20/2012 ... 9:30 a.m. ...
I saw your post and your “party story”, Paul. I read it late last night and my mind processed it overnight. I hadn’t seen the parallel between your story and mine until this morning. Rather intriguing with an interesting plot twist … maybe it’s the writer in me, but the outcome of your story was in the back of my mind even before I reached the end of your writing. Then again, maybe it’s knowing you and your need to always to be on the edge that tuned me into where you might be heading with your story about you. The latter being said: my dream is NOT about switching teams. Granted I don’t like being put into boxes, so I am not your typical woman (e.g., I have kept my child-like perspective on life and I don't/won't play the games that women so often play ... I am in a Math/Science career field) but I am very feminine and I really do like men.
Given the painful experiences in my life, you might think that would make me more inclined to experience other types of relationships, but that is just not for me. I know that my reference to “strength” in my dream strength and to “strong hands” … being strong, was meant to be ME finally awakening to the strength that I have within me. And the dress was just conformity to the role that some overbearing people in my life want to force upon me … being the “good wife”, shutting up and just taking all the crap shoveled my way... because that is what “nice girls” do, right? NOT!!
So thank you, Paul, for sharing your story. I think that you are on the right path for you. More power to you! More power to "Nichole." Not being a big fan of boxes, myself, I can respect his accomplishment. I’ll keep checking in to your blog every now and again to see how you are doing. Peace & Lots of Love to you. (And I haven’t forgotten about checking in again somewhere on down the line. I’m just not there yet … too many issues to sort out and work through myself still and Ken would be angry with me. I need to work on mending bridges and crossing them, not building fences.) God Bless!
7/21/2012 ... Well, have been thinking a bit more about your story, Paul. I wonder if you were also trying to say: "Be careful what you wish for?" That is to say, that all things being equal: sometimes things that we think we know are completely different beneath the surface upon up close/closer inspection. How very wise you are for someone always perched so precariously close to the precipice of a lofty edge ; ) Thank you, my friend. Message received and assimilated. XOXO
3/25/2013 Reading back over this, it occurs to me that perhaps this dream is a longing for my husband to try to find me ... reconnect with me on a deeper level once again, but at this point in our lives I don't think that is going to happen.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
One-eyed ME?
Not much writing these past few days :( Injured my eye over the weekend. Self-inflicted wound ... trying to improve my vision, perhaps? Opened my eyes to a new way of seeing through pain pills, I guess. Kind of knocks down all your protective barriers in a manner of speaking. Truth is a booger sometimes ... But the drugs wear off and reality sets back in. Life in the moment, right? And when you look back, only the important ones shine through ... We tend to edit out the painful and mundane, don't we?
Life in this moment ... this here, this now. No looking back ... Only forward. After all, I believe that there is a ruling balance corrects over time.
I hadn't realized how much we do with our eyes on a given daily basis. A bit frustrating to be one-eyed for a few days here. Sensitivity to light and lots of pain ... Trying to give up the pain pills today. They make me incredibly sleepy and loopy, never really cared much for drugs of any kind. I have slept a lot these last few days though, so I guess that's something. Lots of writing ideas buzzing around in my head. Wish I had taken Ken up on his offer to buy me "Dragon" ; ) Still haven't played with my birthday presents either --among them a new high tech digital graphics tablet for photo editing and ART renders. So this dang eye had best heal quickly! Doctors say I should be good as new in 5-7 days, it's been 4 days now. I'm a terrible patient, I know. I'll find something to do with myself --besides sleep, but I suppose a closed eye maybe heals quicker?-- between now and the magic number of 7 days and it better not take longer than that!
Since I can't see, I've no recent photo edits. I could post a photo of me during one of my 3 a.m. --up all night-- photo editing sessions? At least this photo has me without an injured eye? Guess, I'll post and take it down in a day or two when these drugs wear off ; ) ... Pain is a funny thing, for me when I don't take the pain pills I can't tune out this eye pain, like I can with other pain. The pain is so intense and IN MY HEAD, it just translates into intense irritation, bordering on aggravation. Talk about short tempered?!? I have to wonder if maybe the drugs are the lesser of the evils in this instance?
Song: "Broken", Lifehouse
Healing vibes to all who pass this way!
Peace & Love,
~M
P.S. Have a friend who seems to be venturing into stand-up comedy these days. Finding humor in this life of ours ... having a sense of humor ... is a form of higher evolvement on some level, I think. Well, perhaps contemplating life from a one-eyed perspective will give him some funny material to work with? Am I a rock star with my dark glasses 24/7 or would I go over better as a pirate with an eye-patch? I've always had a thing for pirates ; ) Best to you, Paul. XOXO
Life in this moment ... this here, this now. No looking back ... Only forward. After all, I believe that there is a ruling balance corrects over time.
I hadn't realized how much we do with our eyes on a given daily basis. A bit frustrating to be one-eyed for a few days here. Sensitivity to light and lots of pain ... Trying to give up the pain pills today. They make me incredibly sleepy and loopy, never really cared much for drugs of any kind. I have slept a lot these last few days though, so I guess that's something. Lots of writing ideas buzzing around in my head. Wish I had taken Ken up on his offer to buy me "Dragon" ; ) Still haven't played with my birthday presents either --among them a new high tech digital graphics tablet for photo editing and ART renders. So this dang eye had best heal quickly! Doctors say I should be good as new in 5-7 days, it's been 4 days now. I'm a terrible patient, I know. I'll find something to do with myself --besides sleep, but I suppose a closed eye maybe heals quicker?-- between now and the magic number of 7 days and it better not take longer than that!
Since I can't see, I've no recent photo edits. I could post a photo of me during one of my 3 a.m. --up all night-- photo editing sessions? At least this photo has me without an injured eye? Guess, I'll post and take it down in a day or two when these drugs wear off ; ) ... Pain is a funny thing, for me when I don't take the pain pills I can't tune out this eye pain, like I can with other pain. The pain is so intense and IN MY HEAD, it just translates into intense irritation, bordering on aggravation. Talk about short tempered?!? I have to wonder if maybe the drugs are the lesser of the evils in this instance?
3 a.m. photo editing ...
A tired, but not yet sleepy me?
Well, wish me a speedy recovery so that I can get back to writing, right?! My ears are still working though. I found a cool song by Lifehouse, titled "Broken" ... I would title it "Barely Breathing", but they are the artists. Apparently, this group did a recent remake of this song ... newer more hip, instrumentally intensified version. I prefer the original version, myself. I didn't like the music video for this as it was not at all how I had envisioned or interpreted the song, but decide for yourself. Oh well, this song is about "pain" and "healing" and "broken" (my eye) so it fits with my current state of being. Enjoy!
Song: "Broken", Lifehouse
Healing vibes to all who pass this way!
Peace & Love,
~M
P.S. Have a friend who seems to be venturing into stand-up comedy these days. Finding humor in this life of ours ... having a sense of humor ... is a form of higher evolvement on some level, I think. Well, perhaps contemplating life from a one-eyed perspective will give him some funny material to work with? Am I a rock star with my dark glasses 24/7 or would I go over better as a pirate with an eye-patch? I've always had a thing for pirates ; ) Best to you, Paul. XOXO
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Finding My Religion ...
"When words become unclear, I shall focus with
photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence." ~Ansel Adams
"Mt. McKinley, Wonder Lake", By Ansel Adams
The above photograph is one of my favorite Ansel Adams images. Per the quote: that is what I am doing these days ... being quiet and focusing on images rather than words. I am currently focused on taking some photos for my "finding my religion" series ...
Me doing what I LOVE : )
Peace and Love and I'll probably be back next month if all goes well. ♥
Saturday, January 08, 2011
"Wind Blown" ... Me and Photography
ME ... An ART render ... "self-portrait" ... A cowgirl at heart?
I don't know what it is, but I have a hard time taking a "standard photograph" ... There is just so much more there to see to my way of thinking. I love to take "less than perfect" shots and then try to find the beauty ... the magic ... in them ... To shoot from an angle that no one would expect ... To take a shot when the wind is blowing and I can't still the object of my focus with the camera. I don't know maybe it's just my inexperience: I'm still learning, but I go with it. And you know, wind blowing an object can be very beautiful, unexpected. I love the unexpected as you well know ... the magical and mysterious.
Well with that in mind ... Here is a shot that I worked on playing with (in the software) tonight. These were multi-colored tullips, in a neighborhood flower bed, that I shot while during a walk on a very windy day.
This is the finished product. Below it is what I started with ... well, minus the brown patches throughout the lawn ; )
If I had my mp3 sites up to date: I'd post the song "The Southern Cross", By Crosby Still and Nash.
Why? ... It seems to fit and it just happens to be playing on my playlist as I make this entry.
Go find some magic for yourself ...
Peace.
~M
Okay ... updated one of my sites ... so here's the song ...
Song: "Southern Cross", By Crosby Stills and Nash
... And just in case you were wondering ... What is the Southern Cross? ... Here you go Windows to the Universe and here is some additional interesting historical info wikipedia-Crux.
@2011 Copyrighted Image, Michelle C. of whatplanetareyoulivingon.blogspot.com.
All Rights Reserved.
I don't know what it is, but I have a hard time taking a "standard photograph" ... There is just so much more there to see to my way of thinking. I love to take "less than perfect" shots and then try to find the beauty ... the magic ... in them ... To shoot from an angle that no one would expect ... To take a shot when the wind is blowing and I can't still the object of my focus with the camera. I don't know maybe it's just my inexperience: I'm still learning, but I go with it. And you know, wind blowing an object can be very beautiful, unexpected. I love the unexpected as you well know ... the magical and mysterious.
Well with that in mind ... Here is a shot that I worked on playing with (in the software) tonight. These were multi-colored tullips, in a neighborhood flower bed, that I shot while during a walk on a very windy day.
This is the finished product. Below it is what I started with ... well, minus the brown patches throughout the lawn ; )
@2011 Copyrighted Image. All Rights Reserved.
"Wind Blown" ... Dedicated to my friend, Dave, whose mother passed away on January 3, 2011.
@2011 Copyrighted Image. All Rights Reserved.
(All of My Photographs are available to license via my Flickr website: isas_fallingstar )
If I had my mp3 sites up to date: I'd post the song "The Southern Cross", By Crosby Still and Nash.
Why? ... It seems to fit and it just happens to be playing on my playlist as I make this entry.
Go find some magic for yourself ...
Peace.
~M
Okay ... updated one of my sites ... so here's the song ...
Song: "Southern Cross", By Crosby Stills and Nash
... And just in case you were wondering ... What is the Southern Cross? ... Here you go Windows to the Universe and here is some additional interesting historical info wikipedia-Crux.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Made it through yet another Birthday ....
Yes, it's official: I am now another year older and wiser. One has to wonder at this point ... just how wise can one get? ; ) Well, I figure I've still a ways to go yet ...
Some wisdom to share with you? Well, you're never gonna survive in this life unless you're willing to throw caution to the wind and just get a little crazy from time to time. Trust me ... I get crazy OFTEN ... that's why I'm still smiling : ). On that note, here's me getting crazy ... splashing in the water on my birthday.
How old? Well a true lady never reveals her age ... Give it your best guess?
... At heart though: I'm not a day over 12 : )
Me around the age of 12 ... think I may have still been 11 here?
Why should we have to grow up anyway ... takes all the fun out of life, no?
We none of us know how much time we have left ...
So live each day to its FULLEST!!! ...
And simply try your best not to let the little things get you down.
Life got you down? Come splash with me! : )
My birthday wish? ... I got to wish on a falling star a few days prior ...
Lucky ME! ...
Well, among other things, I wished for true peace and happiness in the lives of those that I love and care about. You are ever in my thoughts ... prayers ... and always close to my heart. God Bless!
All My Love,
Michelle
(a.k.a. Isabelle (my alias) ... if you know me as Isabelle and not Michelle don't feel bad ... that's who I was in many former lives ... so Isabelle is just as much a part of me as Michelle : ) ... Then again, if you found your way here from my alias, you are a rather good detective ... because I 've done my very best to keep the this blog and my alias separate. )
P.S. Today, the 24th, is my grandmother's birthday. HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Grandma Jeanne. I love you all the way to the stars and back again and again! : ) : ) : ) : )
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