Thursday, September 20, 2007

Exclusive Moms Club?

I love being a mom. It has added so many new dimensions to my life: dimensions that I never could have imagined were possible before becoming a mom. That being said, however, I feel as if there is some exclusive "Mom's Club" to which I will never belong.

Being a mom is wonderful and I love my kids more than life itself, but I fight daily not to let motherhood consume me. I just can't embrace the whole "I'm a mother and that, in and of itself, completes me" thing. And so, being a mom has been a very isolating experience for me.

I'm very unconventional to begin with and my take on motherhood is no different. I've yet to find a "Mom" crowd that I fit in with/feel comfortable with. Of course, being an electrical engineer, a bit of a free spirit and going out of my way to avoid labels of any sort doesn't endear me to women, in general, in the first place. Sometimes it seems as if I have very little in common with other women:  I hate to cook! I hate to shop! Going to the mall is worse, for me, than going to the dentist. And keeping my house immaculate is simply impractical and very low on my priority list of things to do. I also despise gossip and probably, subconsciously, those who engage in it. At one point, I had hoped that motherhood would be the ticket for me to make connections with other women ... other moms, but now that I'm actually here that doesn't seem to be the case.

Motherhood is kind of like an unscripted adventure for me.  Sometimes, it scares the hell the out me to think that I am helping to shape another life.  I worry sometimes that I'll really screw up in some major way and not even realize it until the damage is done?  Do all moms worry in this way, I wonder?  The latter being said, I work very hard to keep things in perspective and to enjoy the ride of motherhood.  I love children.  Children keep it real.  To see the world through their eyes is such a gift to experience ... they are so innocent, with such a unique and energized take on the world around them. They help to renew your faith in the world at large, I think.

I try to expose my children to lots of different things and to encourage them to try new things, but if they don't like something I don't push them to continue. I'll never force them to take dance or piano or horseback riding lessons --unless they want to do so-- just because it is an expected thing for a 'successful' child to do.  I just want my kids to find out who they are ... what their gifts and talents are and  then to encourage them to pursue what they love. I support my daughters 100% in their choices, back them up by action (not just words), and just love them for who they are.

Sometimes, I wish women could be more like guys. Guys don't have to get so personal (and competitive) in order to hang out and be friends. They pretty much take each other at face value. Why can't women do that? At this point in my life, I guess I just won't have other women/mom friends. I'm just too busy and maybe they are too? Maybe it's not just me: maybe women who are moms not having other women friends is just a sign of a larger social change that we are undergoing as a society? My only regret is that I can't model for my children how to have a friend. Is it a coincidence that none of my children have really close friends either? Perhaps close friends is something that comes with age and maturity?

I do have lifelong friends, despite moving every 1-3 years and attending 13 different primary schools as a child.  Most of these friends are from high school and college, but they all live in other cities, states, and countries. So they aren't part of my daily life and interactions. And most of my friends from college -- being an engineering student -- were guys, so those friendships sort of ended/faded ... and rightly so, I guess ... when I became a married woman.

Not to worry though, life goes on right? Just feels good to vent. Life is pretty full, and full-fulling, for me right now. I have so much to be thankful for and that will just have to be enough for now. Who knows what tomorrow may bring?

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