All photos in this entry taken by yours truly : )
I love this photo! It reminds me of the perfect little cottage ... like the ones in fairytales ... nestled in a quiet wooded grove ... so peaceful! Just lovely ...
Being out amongst nature reminds me not be so serious ... to take off my shoes, run barefoot and breathe amidst the wonderful sweet whimsy all around me...
Wonderful fractals, fractals, fractals abound ...
Harmony ...
Live in the moment ...
Flowers of Wisdom ...
Some of my favorite Albert Einstein quotes:
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
"Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools."
"The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
"The faster you go, the shorter you are."
"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge."
~ Albert Einstein
Other Authors to be added ...
Albert Einstein would be at the top of my list for people who are no longer with us -- as we once knew them, anyway -- that I would love to meet! Having read some of some more of Lord Byron's poems, I think that I would like to meet him too. I think that I would also like to meet Mahatma Ghandi ...
"As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it."
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
"I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before any one even at the cost of your life."
~Mahatma Gandhi
Right off the top of my head, I would also like to meet -- in no particular order -- Wolfgang Amadeus Motzart, Galileo, Madame Currie, Elizabeth Blackwell, Amelia Earhart, and Nikola Tesla.
What about you? Who would you most like to meet?
A Rose By Any Other Name ...
Did you know that flowers have specific meanings? Even the color of the type of flower that you choose to give has a specific meaning? Many don't realize this. Here is a list for roses by type and color (for more inclusive list of All flowers ):
All information here courtesy of 'The Flower Expert' -- ( Click here to see this list with images )
Red Roses: A red rose is an unmistakable expression of love. Red Roses convey deep emotions - be it love, longing or desire. Red Roses can also be used to convey respect, admiration or devotion. A deep red rose can be used to convey heartfelt regret and sorrow. The number of red roses has special romantic meanings associated with them. 12 red roses is the most popular of all which conveys "Be mine" and "I love you".
White Roses: White is the color of purity, chastity and innocence. White flowers are generally associated with new beginnings and make an ideal accompaniment to a first-time bride walking down the isle. White flowers can be used to convey sympathy or humility. They also are indicative of spirituality. Hence, White roses also follow suit.
Yellow Roses: Yellow roses are an expression of exuberance. Yellow roses evoke sunny feelings of joy, warmth and welcome. They are symbols of friendship and caring. The yellow rose, like the other roses, does not carry an undertone of romance. It indicates purely platonic emotions.
Pink Roses: There are a lot of variations of the pink rose. Over all, pink roses are used to convey gentle emotions such as admiration, joy and gratitude. Light pink rose blooms are indicative of sweetness and innocence. Deep pink rose blooms convey deep gratitude and appreciation. Pink roses also connote elegance and grace.
Orange Roses: While a yellow rose reminds us of the sun, an orange rose reminds us of a fiery blaze. These fiery blooms signify passion and energy. Orange roses can be used to express intense desire, pride and fervor. They also convey a sense of fascination. These flowers rival only the red roses as messengers of passion in romance.
Lavender Roses: A Lavender rose like its color conveys enchantment. It also expresses "love at first sight" . Darker shades of lavender roses (close to purple) convey a sense of regal majesty and splendor. These roses are used to express fascination and adoration.
Blue Roses: A perfectly blue rose is still elusive like the perfectly black rose. Blue roses cannot be achieved naturally so they represent the unattainable or the mysterious. Blue roses therefore embody the desire for the unattainable. They say "I can't have you but I can't stop thinking about you".
Green roses: Green is the color of harmony, of opulence, of fertility. It is also a color indicative of peace and tranquility. Green roses (these are off-white roses with shades of green) can symbolize best wishes for a prosperous new life or wishes for recovery of good health
Black Roses: Black is the color of death and farewell. A black rose, like the blue rose remains elusive. What we know as black roses are actually really dark red roses. Black roses convey the death of a feeling or idea. Sending black roses to someone indicates the death of the relationship.
Mixed Roses: By mixing rose blooms of different colors purposefully, you can create a bouquet of emotions. For example, a bouquet of red and white roses would mean “I love you intensely and my intentions are honourable”. A random mix of roses would convey mixed feelings or send a message: "I don't know what my feelings are yet but I sure do like you enough to send you roses."
Rose Flower Meanings based on Rose Variety:
Moss Rosebud Confession of love
Thorn-less Rose Love at first sight, early attachment
Leaf Rose “You may hope”
Hibiscus Rose Delicate Beauty
Burgundy Rose Unconscious Beauty
Christmas Rose Relieve my anxiety
Dog rose Pleasure; Pain
Damask Rose Freshness, Persian ambassador of Love
Garden Rose “I am from Mars”
Tea Rose “I will remember – Always”
Rose of Sharon Consumed by Love
Carmine Rose Deceitful Desire (not true to color)
Cardinal Red Rose Sublime Desire
Amaranth Red Rose Long standing Desire
Wild Rose Simplicity
Musk Rose Capricious Beauty
Rosa mundi Variety
A withered white rose symbolizes death or loss of innocence and a faded rose indicates beauty is fleeting.
Rose Flower Meanings based on Number:
A single rose says a lot and a lot more distinctly. Here's what it what it says in different colors:
•A single red rose says: “I love you”
•A single white rose says: “My feelings are pure”
•A single yellow rose says: “You bring joy to my life” “Let’s be friends”
•A single pink rose says: “I like you”
•A single orange rose says: “I am proud of you”
•A single peach rose says: “Thank you” “I sympathize with you”
•A single lavender rose says: “I am enchanted by you”
•A single blue rose says: “You seem like an unattainable dream”
A crown of roses indicates reward of virtue, a bouquet of roses in full bloom indicates gratitude and rose in a tuft of grass indicates there is everything to be gained by good company.
The number symbolism in case of Roses is especially associated with red roses and by that association romantic involvement. So when you send a bunch of red roses or receive it… count the blooms and read below what the numbers are saying:
o A single Red Rose – “I Love you” “You are the one for me”
“I Love you” “You are the one for me” Single Red Rose
o “Let us be together” Two Red Roses
o “You and me and our love for company” Three Red Roses
o "I am half-way in love with you” Half Dozen Red Roses
o “Be mine” Twelve Red Roses
o "I am yours" Two Dozen Red Roses
o “My love for you is limitless” Fifty Red Roses
Twenty-five red roses are traditionally used to say “Congratulations”. However, now that you have some idea of color symbolism in roses you may creatively substitute another color to further enliven the message.
VIP: If you accept the rose with your right hand, it conveys that you are in agreement with the other person and your affirmation. If you do so with the left hand, it shows your disagreement.
So think about the meaning that is being conveyed the next time you send (or receive ... hint: accept them with your right hand!) flowers. : )
Myself, I just received a bouquet of yellow lillies ... meaning that the bestower wishes happiness for me ...
I wonder ... even if people are not consciously aware of the choices that they make when selecting flowers, if the subconscious does really know what its doing? I mean, when you read through the different meanings of each of the types of flowers, and the color choices therein, there is some emotional basis for the conventions named. Isn't there?
For instance, I've always associated the color yellow with happiness. That red stands for passion is pretty much a given, but when you think about the color orange ... the color of some of the most fantastic and spectacularly beautiful sunsets that in turn evoke emotions and passion ... that the color orange also symbolizes passion makes sense. Doesn't it?
And Blue ... I've always loved the color periwinkle ... it's not a very common color for flowers ... maybe that's why I've always liked it? Blue for roses, is not found in nature, so that the blue rose symbolizes the unattainable makes sense to me. I've never even seen a blue rose. They must be ethereal to behold? Oh well ... some food for thought ... and it made me smile : ) while pondering the subject .... peace to you ...
[Bad Insomnia -- had a bit more time to ponder ... (written on my laptop and then uploaded ... late a night, so it may be a bit incoherent?) ...]
For Roses and Color in general:
White - symbolizes purity and innocence ... pretty much a no-brainer.
Pink - conveys feelings of admiration ... something to give a mother, teacher, mentor.
Yellow - in addition to joy, can convey intent of well wishes, friendship and caring.
Green - conveys fertility ... like Mother Nature.
Lavender - conveys enchantment ... okay, that one is not as readily discernable.
And of course, Black -- which is actually a dark, dark red rose -- conveys feelings of death or loss.
A bouquet of mixed color roses can send mixed messages or show the ambiguity of the sender?
~CarnationNow the different varieties of flowers, beyond roses, are a bit less intuitive I'll admit. Take the Carnation for example ... they're cheap and readily available, but watch out! In general the carnation symbolizes pride and beauty. A red carnation symbolizes love, pride and admiration; a pink carnation symbolizes the love of a woman or a mother; a purple carnation symbolizes capriciousness; a yellow carnation symbolizes disdain, rejection or disappointment; while a white carnation symbolizes innocence and pure love. A striped carnation conveys refusal or rejection! (Didn't know that last one?! Won't be using those in any of my hand made arrangements anytime soon!) And here the usually joyful yellow symbolizes disdain and rejection? Yellow in the Chrysanthemum symbolizes slighted love. So be wary of using yellow in some instances, I guess?
~Cala LilyCala Lilies to me are boring, but I did use them in my wedding bouquet? Good in that instance, and the Cala Lily is prettier ... more elegant ... than other varieties, in my humble opinion. They symbolizes magnificence and beauty. White Calla lilies combine these two attributes, with purity and innocence associated with the color white to make it the perfect choice of flower in a Wedding bouquet. Personally, I find most lilies somewhat boring, but I won't tell that to the bestower of my recent bouquet. Shhhh! Don't tell! : )
~HydrangeaI've committed a faux pas on this next one (maybe?): Hydrangea -symbolizes heartfelt emotions. It can be used to express gratitude for being understood. In its negative sense hydrangea symbolizes frigidity and heartlessness. I gave my mother a live plant of hydrangeas for Mother's Day one year, but I recall that they were pink. So maybe that makes my gift of Hydrangea okay?
~GardeniaI've always loved Gardenias. They smell just divine ... makes me think of heaven or what heaven might smell like. Gardenia - symbolizes purity and sweetness. They indicate secret love -- did not know this? They convey joy. They tell the receiver you are lovely.
~GladiolusOne of my favorite flowers is the Gladiolus. They are so long and elegant ... majestic. Guess, I picked a good flower to love? Gladiolus -symbolizes strength of character, faithfulness and honor. The Gladiolus flower signifies remembrance.
~Amaryllis
~Dendrobium OrchidAnother flower which sybolizes beauty and also feminity is the orchid -- now this one makes sense to me. Orchid - is a symbol of the exotic beauty. It symbolizes refinement, thoughtfulness and mature charm. It also symbolizes proud and glorious femininity.
Here are two flowers, with meanings that I never would have guessed -- my subconscious intuition theory fails miserably here, no?
1) Daffodil -symbolizes regard and chivalry. It is indicative of rebirth, new beginnings and eternal life. It also symbolizes unrequited love. A single daffodil foretells a misfortune, while a bunch of daffodils indicate joy and happiness;
Lastly we have some staples whose meanings make sense to me:
Alstroemeria -flower is symbolic of wealth, prosperity and fortune. It is also the flower of friendship.
Daisy symbolizes innocence and purity. It conveys loyal love and “I will never tell”. Gerbera Daisy specifically conveys cheerfulness.
Well enough flower gazing and pondering. This wondering is actually making me sleepy? [ DOUBLE YAWN!] Hopefully, I haven't frightened you away from the notion of ever sending flowers altogether, now? Have I ?
If it's any consolation: most people haven't the slightest idea, nor the inclination, to think on any of this ... but it is FUN to think, isn't it? ... to wonder if there are hidden meanings that our subconscious is trying to convey in the giving and receiving of these beautifully intricate gifts of nature.
Sweet dreams! I'm off to try to sleep ... if I'm lucky enough to dream, it will probably be about flowers ... : )
11/4/2009 I almost forgot one of MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE flowers: the wild Poppy. It is not a hot house flower and hence eluded inclusion in the above discussion. While browsing through art paintings during lunch today, I was reminded of the beautifully wild Poppy flower by the painter, Thomas Cooper Gotch.
'The Message', By Thomas Cooper Gotch
'Death the Bride', By Thomas Cooper Gotch
(images courtesy of ArtMagick.com)
I remember running through grassy fields just filled with these majestically wild flowers in Northern California ... and I distinctly remember having to resist the urge to pick a bouquet of these beauties (they are the State Flower of California, hence it is a crime to pick Poppies) ... I must confess, however, that being young (9-10) and wild at heart, that I did, from time to time, pick a few. : ) Anyway, heartfelt thanks for a reminder of this lovely flower, Mr. Thomas Cooper Gotch -- and ArtMagick!
'The Garden of Adonis - Amoretta and Time', By John Dixon Batten
Image courtesy of http://www.artmagick.com/
9/27/09 1:00 a.m. or thereabouts ... Looks like I found a new Secret Garden after all ...
And that makes me incredibly happy! : ) I don't know what I would do without a Secret Garden these days?! This garden is what keeps me sane and allows me moments of freedom and happiness. Closest I'll be getting to wings ... for awhile at least ...
Joyful day to you!
M
P.S. Something to ponder, as I sip my wine and try my best to unwind ... What would I do, if I had wings?
9/28/09 Someone is making dark posts on artmagick.com under the name 'Lillies Roses' that might speak to things that I've written about as of late. I just want to let anyone who might be concerned about me know that: IT'S NOT ME! I am not whispering for help ... nor am I plauged by demons. I am an extremely strong and highly flexible individual ... and I have a very strong belief in a higher power ... Creator ...God. I'm also my own best advocate and I'm now seeing a therapist for some unbiased input and perspective. I have no plans to embrace death -- even though I wrote a poem about death -- or to leave this world -- of my own will, anyway -- at this particular moment in time. I have fought too damn hard to get to where I'm at right now, and I'm NOT giving up!
There are a lot of references to Shakespeare's Ophelia in many of these albums. While there might (?) be a vauge physical resemblance in some of the paintings: the similarity ends there. Ophelia was a tragic character who could not deal with the circumstances of her unrequited love and other things that are implied to have happened to her ... her response to her inability to cope was to go mad ... and possibly commit suicide. I'm not mad ... at least I don't think that I am ... my therapist doesn't either ... and as I've already said: I've no plans to commit suicide or to hurt myself in any majorly damaging way.
'Ophelia', By Antoine-Auguste Ernest Hebert
Image Courtesy of http://www.artmagick.com/
So hopefully, I've set your mind at ease ... that is if you were concerned at all to begin with ... I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.
New subject: sailing yesterday was nice. It was a gorgeous day and there was one heck of a wind heading out ... just perfect for sailing. The wind died out a bit coming back, but we still made good progress. It's surprising how cold it gets out on that water, even on a warm sunny day?! Nothing that an extra sweater, jacket, and a blanket couldn't fix though. If I had to do it over: I wouldn't have worn my flip-flops. My feet were blue not 20 minutes out -- live an learn : ! ... just hard to cram my feet back into closed-toed shoes after being so gloriously freed all summer long. : )
The day wasn't as bonding, nor healing, to Ken and my relationship as I had hoped, but it was nice to spend time alone together ... to have the opportunity to put each other first. Guess healing of us will just take time?
We had a wonderful late lunch at my favorite restaurant: Ivar's. Then we walked through the famed Seattle sculpture park -- think it's called the 'Elliot Bay Sculpture Park' -- before heading back home. So all in all, it was a nice day. Hope you had a wonderful weekend too.
Peace!
M
9/28/09 late, late p.m. ... early a.m.?
While Ken and I did not quite connect the way that I had hoped that we would, while sailing this past Sunday: the act of sailing, itself, was an uplifting experience. I can see why Ken enjoys it so much.
[Not boat we were on. I didn't bring my camera. Wanted to focus on enjoying the ride and being with Ken. Nor do we, yet, own a boat of our own. Someday...]
Riding on a sleek 70 ft. keel boat, sitting right on the deck at the front of the boat under the jibe -- foremost sail -- as the boat cut effortlessly through the brisk and choppy waters of the Puget Sound, propelled by a fierce wind, was about the closest that I've come to flying in a very long time. To be right at the front of the boat as it glided through the water at an impressive 'clip', with the sea spraying cool mists of water -- 'sea kisses' : ) -- upon me periodically, while I clung to the deck with my feet, legs, and occasionally a hand to boot [boat 'keeled' to an angle that I swear was greater than 72 degrees, due to high winds], I felt as if I was actually a part of the magnificent vessel upon which I sat. It was truly an amazing feeling! The view of the Olympic mountains, islands, other boats, and the Seattle skyline were an added bonus and a truly spectacular backdrop.
I could get used to idea of sailing on a regular basis. Who knows, maybe sailing will end up being something that helps to bring Ken and I closer together once again. Right now, it still seems as if there is an ocean between us, but the distance is slowly closing ...
9/29/09 Thoughts as I try to wake up, focus, and start my day... I'm looking at the Thomas Barbey photo that I posted in my regular blog entry and going over conversations that I've had with friends recently on the subject of religion and a belief in God.
I think: How small and utterly insignificant WE are in the big picture of things!
I wonder: Why does there seem to be such a sharp distinction between those that believe in a God ... a Creator Being and those that are looking within for a higher power? Two polarizing extremes and not much middle ground these days?
I think: How much the focus of our society seems to have turned away from community and a belief in a Creator Being ...
'O Duomo Mio', Photo By Thomas Barbey
There seems to exist, in 'enlightened circles', a belief in a Higher power ... but a shift away from a Creator being to more of a Higher Power energy that we mere mortals can ourselves channel, 'if we only look within?' Something doesn't seem quite right about that? Have to think some more on this, but I have a strong sense that people are perhaps being deceived?
I also wonder ... why is the Creator, God ... allowing me to be so utterly overwhelmed with feelings and emotions these days? The input from EVERYTHING around me is so extremely intense ... it's almost overwhelming?! And it makes me feel even further separated from those around me (like my husband, Ken) because they just can't even begin to comprehend what I'm feeling ... experiencing ... and where I'm coming from ...
Michael Buble says it best in his song, 'Home': "and though I'm surround by a million people, I still feel so all alone ... I want to go home ... just let me go home." I don't know where my Home is anymore, but I so would like to go there ...
Song: 'Home', By Michael Buble
Working out always help me to think clearer (If you don't exercise regularly you should!). As I was working out today, I reflected on what I meant by wanting to go 'Home'. I think that what I meant was simply that I long to make a spiritual connection with a person, maybe a place(?), or just something that makes my spirit feel acknowledged and at peace: at home ...
'The Valkyrie's Vigil', Edward Robert Hughes
Image Courtesy of http://www.artmagick.com/
for 9/30/09
I'm supposed to reflect on things that make me (as Michelle, not as mom or wife ... goes without saying that my kids are at the top of my list!) truly happy. So here goes ... Wonder if my choices have to be concrete objects? Is abstract okay? Oh, well ... here goes...
My Top 10 Favorite Things:
Peace in my heart ... and in the world around me...
Love ... giving it, sending it out into the world, and having it come back my way from time to time ...
Witnessing JOY on the face of others ... or hearing it in their voice...
Hugs! (Thanks to my wonderful children: I get at least of 50 these each day : )
Wings! Things that fly ... like butterflies ... airplanes ... things that make me feel as if I can fly ... like cycling, sailing, and being with the one you love...
Being surrounded by nature ... especially near water ... especially near the ocean... water is healing to the soul... I love the sound of water in motion...
Music that transports me to another place... a place to escape ... to be safe and free...
Books ... books and more books ... I absolutely LOVE to read! I especially love books that I can easily lose myself in and escape to strange and foreign lands (places and ideas)...
The act of creating ... something ... anything ... whether its lacing words together, stringing beads, sketching wildlife, capturing a breathtaking moment on film, making dinner or making noise on a musical instrument.
Running barefoot through the cool grass or along a sandy beach ... figuratively and literally...
Assignment done. Check, check and check ... moving on...
Thoughts as I start my day ...
Is less really more?
Do actions truly speak louder than words?
Is having a 5 yr. battery put into my watch being lazy, practical, or bordering on optomistic?
How is it that I can drain a 5 yr. battery in under a year? All batteries for that matter come to think on it? Batteries just never seem to last half as long as they are supposed to, for me?
I would love to brew a pot of coffee and have just a few sips ... I don't know if I have the will power to resist today? [ I did resist ... only took about 10 cups of tea to satisfy my craving! : ) I need to buy stock in tea ...]
The kids are home from school: have snack and are unwinding with what's left of their TV time for the day. Hard day (for me) today ... guess there are bound to be good ones and bad ones? Lauren (11 yrs.) wound up being home with a stomach virus. Hopefully, she will be the only one! I can handle lots of things ... never been good with other people's stomach problems ...
Needless to say, my plans for today had to be altered, but such is life. Anyway, fun to spend time on one with Lauren she is so opinionated ... neat to see the way her mind works. Conversation about politics: Lauren says "It's frustrating being a Republican living up here! People just don't want to listen to what I have say. I'm surrounded by liberals and you just can't reason with ANY of them?!" I advise her that now may be a good time to work on her listening skills. Good advice?
Bethany (9 yrs.) can now play "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" on her violin. She's so dedicated to practicing -- hope that lasts!
Erynn Jeanne (8 yrs.) is a prolific little book writer. She loves to write and illustrate ... inspired by me and my book, I guess? Now, if I could only get her to read! She has no patience for reading. She's a good reader ... great vocabulary and speller ... just hard for her to sit still and find something that she enjoys reading. We have a HUGE library of kid books. The equivalent of three medium sized bookshelfs -- Lauren has always been an avid reader. Maybe Erynn's tastes are just different ... but we're working on it.
So my planet is still spinning ... the kids really help in that respect. I'll get in to talk to someone soon. Just struggling with not loosing myself and finding a balance between pleasing others and feeling selfish. Guess that's what hot baths at the end of long days are for ...
10/1/01 1:46 a.m. ENOUGH?!
My sister and my mother say I spend too much time on the computer. They say: "Not healthy!" Today, I realize -- despite not seeing a therapist this day-- that they might be right ... to some extent. Maybe, I'm talking to my computer ... my blog ... because, it can't talk back or question the things that I say ... the things I feel inside. I have absolute control over both sides of the conversation, don't I? And it's easier to talk to my computer, because it listens to me ... truly listens ... and it doesn't hurt me.
I guess on some level, I'm afraid that if I say what I really need to say to Ken that that will be the end of everything ... if I don't just shut up and take it ... I'll mess everything up ... and I'll be alone again. Whether or not those fears are unfounded ... I guess, that I will never know until I stop typing and start talking. Right?
And I'm scared ... I'm scared to death ... but I'm already dying on the inside anyway ... how much worse can it get? I may wind up alone, but if that is what has to happen in order to stop me dying on the inside -- which will eventually result in my physical death ... I'm certain ... -- and give me a fighting chance of salvaging some sort of real life ... then, I guess that I've got to face the music ...
So on that note: farewell ... thanks for listening ... and for all of the good intentions and offers for prayers that I have received. They are truly heartfelt and sincerely appreciated: Thank you! I'll miss you, but I'm going to try to log off and to fully embrace my life once again. Try to give my life, my kids, my family 100% once again. I've been in idle long enough. I gave up coffee ... guess, I can give up my computer for awhile?
So long ... hopefully, when you hear from me again: I'll have made some real progress ... even if that means being alone again.
God Bless!
M
P.S. One last thought ...
I’ve wondered many times, since writing the ‘Hunter’s Moon’ and The ‘Sequel to the Hunter’s Moon’: why did my dream occur under the moon?
In reflecting in a quiet moment alone, late one night, while gazing up at the full moon -- October 3, 2009 just after midnight -- from the view through the skylight in our bedroom, it suddenly dawned on me that the very moon I was gazing upon at that moment was the exact same moon that ‘my love’ (from the dream ... poem), whoever or where ever he was, would also look upon. So the moon was a way for us to be connected, even though we were, in fact, physically or spiritually apart.
For some silly reason, that realization of a connection washed a sense of peace and warmth over me. I suddenly didn’t feel so alone, nor afraid of what the future held in store for me. I guess, sometimes we truly can experience the stuff that dreams are made of … even if it lasts only for a few moments, in the quiet of the night.
So if you happen to have a free moment, late at night, perhaps you'll gaze up and behold the same moon that I will also be gazing intently upon ... and somehow while beholding the magic and beauty of the nightly sovereign, in your heart, know that I am well ...
As much as I love the moon, and seem to be a night owl, my absolute favorite time of the entire day has got to be sunset. And the sun sets that I am privileged enough to partake in, living up here, are beyond spectacular ... they are truly breathtaking!
Sitting on the deck outside of my bedroom, on the second floor, watching the sun set, in the evening, is where I find my center and moments of true peace. Each evening, the sun setting seems to put on a new ... completely different show; no two sun sets I've seen are ever the same. It must have something to do with the water and the mountains? The clouds up here are so full of life ... so unique ... and the setting sun just seems to further illuminate their inate magic.
Well, judge for yourself ... here's a glimpse into my own little piece of heaven, here on Earth. These are successive snaps of the same sunset, taken on 10_7_09 ...
Heaven on Earth ...
Peace to you! : )
'The Guardian', Baron Arild Rosenkrantz
New Day ...
I wrote an entire book today. Start to finish. I feel as if someone has pressed my fast forward button, and I can't get it to stop?! This is a different book than the novel I've previously spoken about ... The outpouring is physically draining ...
After writing, while trying to relax and researching a beloved painting , I somehow found a secret door to some ancient wisdom. It was the oddest coincidence? I started reading and couldn't stop ... A lot of what I read speaks to what I've been feeling and going through with my dreams ... my writings ... my embracing death and losing fear of dying ... but I can't tell if it is leading me down a path that I shouldn't be going? I'm so confused ... not really scared ... but I'm shaking ... and I can't get it to stop.
I should be able to talk to my husband about all of this, but I'm afraid that he'll take my computer away or lock me away. After the reading of this ancient text(?), the final blow to my nerves was another posting of an Art Magick album. [I know, I promised to log off-line ... but like the coffee ... it is a gradual process. I have logged off significantly, just not entirely. My efforts have paid off, because Ken and I are reconnecting ... it just hasn't been 100% yet ... the connecting or the logging off.] Anyway, It was the 'Thoughtful, Bemused' album, again ... and I guess I was looking because ... because I don't really want to say good-bye? ... The album's new additons make me wonder, now .. 'would have had' or 'will have' ? ... I am so confused now ... the emotions are so overwhelming ... I'm crying now and I can't stop ... I have to stop ... I have to pull myself together before Ken gets home and for the sake of the kids ... I just want to go home ...
(If the 'Thoughtful, Bemused' album is you, B.L., would you email my sister and tell her it's you ... please ... You don't have to elaborate ... just give her the message to pass to me ... and if it's not you, tell her that ... please ... this would sincerely help me to have some sort of grounding in this respect. Right now, I feel like a yo-yo on a string? Is that how you want me to feel?
10/15/09 The answer to this question, I already know (on a higher level ... beyond 5 senses) ... and much more ... Thank you! ... for all of it ... MAE).
I had a glass of wine and made some jewelry: 'inner strength' (grey pearls and coarse metal elements, with black accents) and 'protection' (Mediterranean Ocean blue, with swirls of earthy green on sterling silver). I think that I'm getting a cold? Maybe that was the shaking? I feel grounded again. I'm not going to read anymore of that text. Something about it ... the subtle denial of the existence of evil ... seems intuitively wrong and misleading? So I'm alright? ... Time to create dinner.
New Day ...
I prayed a lot last night. I wore three crosses to bed and took sleeping pills to sleep. I needed some mental and emotional downtime ...
I have prayed extensively since the earlier writing (above) for guidance and protection ... and I do feel God holding me up, surrounding me and protecting me. I think that regardless of what happens to me in the physical world, I now know that my home ... the one that I have been so desperately seeking as of late .. is with God ... and He's always been right here with me ... He will continue to be here for me.
I feel like Dorthy, from the 'Wizard of OZ', who has just finally realized something that she always really knew anyway. I've clicked my heels, three times, and I'm home now. I feel safe again. And Ken and I have talked ... extensively ... we've a lot more talking to do, but I feel as if we're making progress ... I finally said the things that I had been too afraid to say to Ken, and what do you know: my world didn't fall completely apart ... like I had feared that it would ...
Some beautiful thoughts to share before I close:
Beautiful quotes from a beautiful art album on ArtMagick, created by 'Abinsolitude': http://www.artmagick.com/albums/album.aspx?id=12263
"We are like children... who stand in need of masters to enlighten us and direct us; and God has provided for this, by appointing his angels to be our teachers and guides." ~ Saint Thomas Aquinas
'Protective Angels', By Harold Hitchcock
"To love for the sake of being loved is HUMAN ... but to love for the sake of loving is ANGELIC" ~ Alphonse Marie de Lamartine
'Winged Figure', By Abbott Handerson Thayer
"[Angels] guide us to become spiritual people for the pleasure of it ... because the spiritual life itself has a great deal of beauty and real satisfaction... even pleasure. And this is what the soul needs..." ~Thomas Moore
'Motherhood', By Gaetano Previati
Angel images courtesy of http://www.artmagick.com/ : Thank you!
10/11/2009 Sunday ....
A movie that is a MUST SEE in our 'drug for everything that ails' you culture is the 2003 movie 'Equilibrium', with Christian Bale. The basic plot of the movie is (from www.imdb.com/title/tt0238380/):
" Plot Summary for Equilibrium (2002) More at IMDbPro »
In a futuristic world, a strict regime has eliminated war by suppressing emotions: books, art and music are strictly forbidden and feeling is a crime punishable by death. Cleric John Preston (Bale) is a top ranking government agent responsible for destroying those who resist the rules. When he misses a dose of Prozium, a mind-altering drug that hinders emotion, Preston, who has been trained to enforce the strict laws of the new regime, suddenly becomes the only person capable of overthrowing it. Written by Anonymous
At the end of World War III, the world fell under the control of Father and the Tetragrammaton: a government that outlaws all forms of art and emotion. Citizens are forced to take drugs that eliminate emotions. However, "Sense Offenders": citizens who resist the laws and operate underground are continually at war with the Tetragrammaton. John Preston is a Cleric, an elite super-soldier who's mission is to hunt down and eliminate Sense Offenders with the help of a ruthless police force. One day, Preston accidentally breaks his morning dose of emotion suppressant drug and begins to feel. Soon, he begins sympathizing with the Sense Offenders and begins to understand the beauty of feeling... A beauty that the government, in which Preston spent his life serving, would like to see destroyed. Written by redcommander27
In the future, after the Third World War, the world is ruled by a totalitarian and fascist society with the leadership of 'The Father'. Arts, music, books, luxury and feelings are not acceptable, and persons uses a drug called 'Prozium' in a daily basis to repress their feelings and feel happy. The opponents to this new world are called offenders and they form the underground resistance to the system, who are destroyed by very-well trained and powerful agents called 'The Clericks'. John Preston is one of this agents, and his life changes when he misses his daily dose of 'Prozium'. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil "
While this movie is a bit extreme, it does touch upon a point that seems to be a dominant theme in our culture today: If you FEEL anything, especially emotion, you must be in need of some sort of drug to combat it. Anti-depressants, Anti-Anxiety, Sleeping pills, etc. And I'm sure that there are plethora of other types of drugs that I've failed to mention. It's like our society is buying into my family mantra: 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.' All you have to do is to pop a pill and go along for the ride? How sad is that?!
Why talk to your partner about the decaying state of your marriage, when you can simply swallow a pill and forget about all your worries.
Why take a long overdue vacation and change your perspective, when you can just pop a pill -- irony is, that if you actually took the beaucoup bucks that you would spend on these pricey wonder drugs, the vacation probably ends up being cheaper and more recuperative than the pills?!
Why make a career change, or get some additional training, when you can just pop a pill and maintain the status quo?!
Argghhh! Having to deal with all of these pill-poppers who incessantly pigeonhole, and categorize, me in an effort to get me to jump on the 'Prozac' band wagon is driving me nuts?! It works for them? So why won't it work for me? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE DEAD WHILE I'M ALIVE!
I have REAL ISSUES that need to be dealt with! I don't need to pop a pill(s), so that I can sweep them back under the rug to fester, while I continue on with the status quo! I'm seeing a therapist and the therapist DOES NOT think that I NEED ANY MEDICATION. I repeat: I'm seeing a therapist and the therapist DOES NOT think that I NEED ANY MEDICATION.
To my family: please see this movie, 'Equilibrium'! I don't judge any of you for your decision to take medications; all I'm asking in return, is that you NOT JUDGE me for NOT taking medication -- AND STOP HARASSING ME!
Got that off my chest -- even if my family probably won't actually see what I've written ... have to work up the courage to email this to them? ... can't say it directly to them, because they just tune me out ... maybe it's their medication?
I am actually in a GOOD mood today! Honestly! We made it to church, as an entire family unit, this morning, without any major fights, fussing, whining or complaining. I didn't have to nag once and miraculously, everyone woke up -- by some divine intervention? -- all on their own and in relatively good spirits. We celebrated after mass by going out to brunch on the marina, and it is a glorious sunny day out to boot. : ) So it has been a good day so far.
Thought about what I've been going through these past few weeks+++ during mass. In looking back ... and with the events at the end of last week in mind ... I do feel as if I have been ... am being... tempted by evil. As I've said before, I do believe in the very real existence of evil and maybe now that I'm stronger and awake: I'm more a threat to the forces of darkness? I really feel as if -- especially at the end of last week -- I am being attacked by evil. I was scared, but I have faith that God will protect me and lead me through this valley of darkness unharmed. God hasn't let me down before; so I'm keeping my faith.
As I've said before. I am wondering a lot these days, but I am not wandering. I have NEVER -- from the earliest age that I can remember -- been one to follow ... to be easily led ... I need to think for myself ... to feel ... to experience things ... and then, I draw my own conclusions. That's what I'm doing right now. It's a journey; Sometimes, I wish it would happen overnight, but that's just not being realistic -- not without more denial and heavy medication, anyway.
I am still working through what 'marital fidelity' now means to me ... but I have hope ... faith ... that I will find my way to a good place. I do love my husband. He is good man, and with a little bit of effort on both our parts, I am hopeful that we can both be happy in our marriage once again. I also think -- and I've thought about this alot last night and today -- that it IS POSSIBLE to love someone with your heart, for the SOLE purpose of loving them ... NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN. LOVE doesn't have to be a PHYSICAL THING -- that being said, however: FOR ME LOVE DOES HAVE TO BE A PHYSICAL & SPIRITUAL THING WITH THE ONE THAT I AM MARRIED TO. Well, maybe not all people are capable of the former: LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE ... but I think that I am. I've tried to just turn off my love for B.L. ... and for whatever reasons, I just can't seem to do it. I'm not deluding myself into thinking that there ever could be any sort of future for us, but I am continuing to pray for B.L., for his happiness, health, prosperity and joy. I am praying for his beautiful family too. I truly want only the best for him and for those that he loves.
So that's where I'm at ... Hanging in there! ... It is a glorious day outside, today! Time to go outside and enjoy the day and spending time with my beautiful family. Joyful day to you and yours!
God Bless!
M
Song:'So Far Away', By Staind
10/12/09 Regarding the ancient wisdom text. A friend of mine, that I trust, has been reading the text since I gave him the link. I had to have someone else SEE it, in order to make it REAL ... that is, to not seem as if I had imagined it. My friend it seems has a different take than my initial reaction? I was fascinated by what I read ... so much so, that I could not STOP reading. What I read was not evil, in and of itself ... in fact, it was very enlightening and spoke to A LOT of things that I have come to realize over the course of the past year ... truths that I saw (while reading) others before me had also come to know and put down into words that I could wrap my awakened mind around. Anyway, please pray for me to make the right decisions regarding this text and its ancient wisdom. I hesitate to give the link out to anyone else ... just in case there is something not quite right. I don't want to lead others down a path that might not be right. If you want the link, let me know and I'll give it out on a case by case basis.
The only thing that freaks me out a little is that this text seemed to have been deliberately put in a place where I would be sure to find it? My sixth sense strongly tells me that my finding this ancient wisdom was no accident. I am not sure what, if anything, this means?
10/13/09 Transformation ... realized ...
(Next three images courtesy of ArtMagick.com)
'Take the Fair Face of Woman', Sophie Anderson
But the fairy is no fairy no more ... she has embraced death and risen from her chrysallis a new ...
'The Alcolade', Edmund Blair Leighton
Her wings are now inner power and strength ... She will cower no more. She is still Love and will always be... Confusion, however, is a concept that she will no longer embrace ... It has been cast away ...
10/15/09
'Lux in Tenebris', Evelyn Pickering DeMorgan
Casting away confusion has still left me with a profound sense of peace even days later (was afraid it would fade, but it hasn't) ... and a way of seeing things so clearly now ... I also am aware of things which are beyond the ability of my 5 basic senses to grasp and understand. Things too personal to share right now, but know that I am in a good place.
One thing that I would like to share with you, however, is the realization that true enlightenment is so much more than mental awakening and knowing ... it is more than the ability to digest and comprehend the wisdom of others ... it is an awakening of the spirit to a sense of true peace and of knowing without having to look externally for answers. The Creator IS within each of us and He has ALL of the answers.
Peace to you. Embrace your day with a joyful heart.
M
10/18/09 Confusion has been cast away, it's true ... but something in my nature, I'm afraid, will always have me wondering ... pondering the what if's of one topic or another ...
Today's topic? Can men and women truly be just friends? ... This has always been a hot-button issue with me and my husband. I've always claimed that they could. Ken feels the opposite, so much so that I am no longer in touch with any of my male friends from college. Needless to say, I was really surprised when Ken said that he was alright with my having an email pen pal who just happened to male -- wonder now, if Ken was just feeling guilty? [And just to re-iterate ... these email conversations are supposed to be philosophical, per my agreement with Ken.]
So anyway, I have been corresponding with this friend via email, for the past two++ months, and lately there have been some unexpected twists: the main one being that my pen pal now wants to talk on the phone ... harmless enough, right? It would be nice to have a voice to put with the writings and two photos that I've seen ... or not? Ken would NOT go for this in a million years ... I am so sure of it that I won't even risk bringing it up... And so, I wonder ...
I finally have a sense of peace back in my life, after of months of upset and emotional turmoil. Pondering this potential phone conversation makes me feel that pursuing this notion of a phone conversation with my friend will jeopardize the peace that I have found in recent days. I do not think that I am willing to jeopardize my sense of peace merely to satisfy my curiousity? If my friend is truly my friend, he'll understand ... if he doesn't, then he isn't a true friend after all ... Right?
New topic ... I'm finally getting over this flu, or whatever I had. Fortunately, no one else got sick. My head is still a bit cloudy though, but that's slowly fading. Still, on Saturday afternoon while I was at Lauren's soccer game -- freezing my _ _ _ _ off!!! It was wet and a biting wind was blowing ... but I digress --- I had the strangest feeling that someone with whom I had a close connection was nearby? I was too focused on the game, cold, and feeling lousy to investigate further, but it was truly the oddest sensation. I wonder now, in looking back, if it was just the fogginess of my lingering cold/flu symptoms talking? Guess, I'll never know ...
10/20/09 My pen pal, and friend, understands where I am coming from. He is content to continue our conversations in the medium of the written word ... for now. That makes me truly happy ... I would miss our discussions. It is nice to have a friend who challenges my intellect and values my insights and my spirit. Someone who is comfortable with agreeing to disagree. As Emerson said, "The secret of a true scholar? In every man there is something wherein I may learn of him; and in that I am his pupil."
On another matter, I believe that I have uncovered the source of my feeling of 'a close connection ... nearby' at the soccer game on Saturday. I know this sounds crazy, but the answer came to me in a dream -- which I seem to be having a lot of lately. I've started keeping a notebook to write them all down. Granted, I don't sleep deeply very often ... but every time that I do sleep these days, my dreams are crammed full of imagery and puzzles to solve upon awakening. Yes, life is anything but dull these days ... at least, I still have peace ... and I don't plan on letting it slip away any time soon ... regardless of outside attempts to reintroduce confusion ...
'Evening Star', By Edward Burnes Jones (Image Courtesy of ArtMagick.com)
10/26/2009
Inner Peace still remains ... confusion has not been reintroduced ... sometimes sorrow rears its ugly head, but it is a quiet discontent that can be quickly banished with but a simple smile, a hug, or kiss from one of my beautiful children ...
Lonlieness remains, but it is all a matter of perspective, no? Hope is ever present ... and with concentration, I can work through fleeting moments of not being able to breathe ...
10/27/2009
I am not a coward ... nor will I cower ever again ... there have been times in my life when I have accepted the label of 'dreamer' ... although, I've always despised labels of any sort. I think, that if I were to put a label on myself now it would be: 'realistic dreamer'. The engineer tempers the dreamer perhaps?
There are some things, in life, which I have done too early -- not all by choice -- and others, I fear, too late. And so I remain, ever-fixed, on my present path. For, I do not have it in me to love yet again. I have given my heart away twice ... had my heart broken twice ... there is only forbearance left now ... forbearance and love for my children ... for my children to have the best life that they can. There is, however, no room for self pity or despair ... moments of joy are still to be found. Love is not necessary --nor is it necessarily gone ... it may yet rise again -- for joy to be found. A belief in oneself and an incurable spirit on a quest to experience ... to live ... to learn is all that is needed for joy to be found ... and also a belief in a sustaining, loving, and ever present Creator. An innocent child resides in my heart and she still clings madly to hope. For a time I pitied her, but now in acceptance and with inner peace ... I finally understand her.
'The Turtle Dove', By Sophie Anderson (courtesy of Art Magick.com)
10/29/2009
Upsides to being sick ... My husband says to me during an earlier phone conversation "You know, you have a very sultry voice when you're sick; it's sexy. I like it!" At least he notices? Perhaps, I should aspire to be sick more often?
After having the regular flu, seems I now have the H1N1 [Note: I was 100% healthy for the opera ... probably where I picked this up?] It has been nearly a decade since I've been THIS sick. On the upside, I have now had both flu viruses, so they'll be behind me for my upcoming travels. Also, when the pandemic (worldwide) hits -- some day in the near future? hope not, but you never know -- I will have natural antibodies to help me survive.
My husband is a flu shot junkie. I choose -- and for my children, as well -- not to participate in that government sponsored experiment. I told my husband -- as he tormented me in my flu symptom misery and chastised me for not getting flu shots -- that "when the pandemic hit: I'll be laughing at your [his] grave side" -- not that I would actually have it in me to do that ... but it felt good to retort at the time. Then, I quickly reminded Ken of the year of Lauren's first Christmas, 1998, when he got a flu shot and was sicker than a dog -- Lauren was sick too, but not so bad -- and me, with my natural antibodies did not even have a single sniffle that year.
My eight year old daughter is home sick with me -- she seems to faring better than me. In between coughing fits she remarks -- while observing a water tattoo on her left forearm: "Hey Mommy, did you know that love spelled backwards is 'evil' ... E V O L?". A rather astute observation, I think ... one that plays nicely into the law of polarity ...
P.S. Feel compelled (for some strange reason?) to mention my 'miracle stain remover' secret:
GOT MILK?
No joke! Honestly: it really works! Just soak the portion of your stained item in a dish with milk for at least 20 minutes -- some deep set or tough stains may need to soak longer. Then launder as usual; that's all there is to it. The enzymes in the milk break down the protiens in the stain. Note: sunlight sets stains, so try to keep the stain out of sun light --if at all possible -- until laundered.
I've used this sucessfully on blueberry, tomatoe, mustard, ketchup, chocolate and red wine. Works for babies with reflux as well (to spell it out : spit up). Wish someone had let me in on this when my kids were little. Would have saved me from throwing away a lot of perfectly good outfits! Oh, well live and learn ... maybe my wisdom will help some other poor soul. : )
So keep some money in your $$$wallet$$$ and harmful chemicals away from yourself, your children, and the environment. It's a WIN-WIN! Happy washing!
10/30/2009 TRICK OR TREAT! Halloween is just around corner! I love Halloween ... not so much the scary evil side of it, just being able to dress up, pretend and let loose. Good for adults to have a license to do this from time to time, no?
Got big plans for Halloween? My girls are having a sleepover party. We LOVE Halloween. Had a huge blowout party 2 years ago, with over 200 people -- not planned that way ... just worked out that way. We had hay bails, rented tables, bounce houses, and turned the entire front yard into a haunted castle maze. Going to be awhile before we do that again $$$$, but it was fun! : ) Still Ken and I always dress up. I was going to be a Pirate 'Wench', but Lauren talked me into being a Zombie Cheerleader. Got Ken's attention ... so that's saying something. Still have my pom poms from high school dance (drill) team. I wonder, is stabbing a kitchen butcher knife into a football to carry for a prop going too far?!
Be safe whatever you do and have a BLAST!
10/31/2009 I do not claim to know anyone else ... I am just beginning to know and understand myself ...
11/2/2009 Now that I've started to put the pieces of my personal life back together: I've been allowing myself to watch a bit more news and related political commentary -- vs. just reading. I see that not much has "changed"; we're still forging ahead, hell bent on leaving an insurmountable legacy of debt for our children and our children's children. I guess Glenn Beck has started a 'Tea Party' movement in response to all of this spending without accountability: http://www.the912project.com/. I'll have to check this out and see what they propose.
My daughter Lauren asked me a few days ago: "Am I a Republican or a Conservative?" I had to really think about my response ... there didn't used to be any difference ... Republican implied conservatism ... doesn't seem to be a given anymore?
Halloween was fun. The girls had a riot of a sleepover. Aside from staying up until 5:00 a.m. the next morning, they were all well behaved. Had lots of fun learning line dances, playing games, decorating designer wine glasses with permanent colored markers, telling scary tales and watching scary movies. Hope you and yours had a fun one too!
Me, as a Zombie Cheerleader: SCARY FUN!
[Some of the kids' creations ... they nominated categories (e.g., spookiest, most creative, prettiest, Halloweenest, etc.) and voted when they were done decorating ... Loads of FUN! ... ]
P.S. Opted to drop the football prop (butcher knife stabbed through a football). My kids said I looked scary enough without it. : ) Still trying to get all of the white make-up off of me (face, arms, neck and chest). Think I glow in the dark now?!
11/3/2009 Words of wisdom ... a truth that speaks to where I am now ...
"...Do not cheat yourself --- to believe that anything true can die... the source of love is still within... even if the object of love seem to have flown away to other shores... when we can be true to our own love no matter if returned or even turned... than we begin to feel a power seldom known --- the soul knows alone... what the mind will never comprehend...." written by 'Persephone' in an ArtMagick Album, 11/3/2009.
Beautifully said, Persephone. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. TM
In recent weeks, I seem to have discovered that 'loneliness' is a state of mind ... for when you are finally truly comfortable with just being ... alone with yourself ... as you are ... then, you are truly never alone ... hence, loneliness ceases to exist ... does it not?
11/4/2009 Today, as I'm driving and waiting at an inordinate number of annoying red lights ... my mind begins to ponder the following notion (don't ask me why ... I just go with it! : ) When was the point that you actually stopped and thought to yourself: 'Hey, I'm finally a grown-up'?
Was it a single defining moment or event? Or was it, rather, a gradual progression over a long period of time? Maybe you've never really even stopped to think about it? Was it graduating from high school and heading off to college on your own? Maybe it was graduating from college? Getting your first real job and a place of your own? Buying your first car? Perhaps, the moment that they placed your newborn child into your trembling arms?
'The Flag', By Thomas Cooper Gotch (Courtesy of ArtMagick.com)
I wonder, do we really ever grow up ... honestly? I mean, some people are really brilliant at projecting a grown up image ... but I wonder what those people truly feel on the inside? Maybe we just grow older -- physically speaking -- and perhaps a little wiser along this journey called life?
And is not growing up such a bad thing? Isn't it good to stay in touch with your inner child? Wouldn't we all be more alive if we had a conversation with our inner child every once in awhile? I would bet that if we were actually willing to listen, that our inner child would say something along these lines:
"Slow down! Don't sweat the small stuff. LAUGH more ... PLAY more ... appreciate and embrace the simple WONDERFUL things standing right in front of you and stop waiting for something MORE."
Song: 'Landslide', By Stevie Nicks
11/5/2009 I love history; it's one of my favorite things to read. As I was reading about the trials of ancient peoples, heroes and heroines ... everyday people like you and me ... these thoughts came to me. As I write now, I realize that these words are applicable to all people, past and those presently struggling under inhumane conditions and cruel captors ... rulers. May God bless, protect, and inspire the former.
copyright @2009 www.whatplanetareyoulivingon.blogspot.com
'Hope', By George Frederic Watts (Image Courtesy of ArtMagick.com)
A Truth of sAges
Hands and feet, these may be bound.
And voices can eventually be beaten into submission.
The heart, the mind and the soul, however, these remain wild and free only ever belonging just to me.
Thus empowered, know that the eye that is me will prevail.
copyright @2009 www.whatplanetareyoulivingon.blogspot.com
Song: 'Hope', By Rush
I'm off to lose myself in some music and a lunch time workout ... to see if I can escape and find inspiration to write once more ... lately, the words I need to find seem to be doing their very best to elude me. I seem to have entered the Fall of my writing. I had hoped to finish before my Winter hit, but given events in my life over the Summer ... I will have to set my hopes on Spring. As a friend of mine often says, 'The universe works in mysterious ways...'.
11/06/2009 Do you ever OVERDO on your workouts and REALLY regret it the next day?!
Boy, did I OVERDO yesterday; every single muscle in my body is throbbing. Guess, I had a lot of aggression and frustration to work off?! But man, am I SOOOOOOOOO, SOOOOOOO sore today [I can't take any pain medications with my messed up stomach either. : ( On the upside, it gives me the opportunity to work on my mental focusing and meditation skills ... yah, right?!]!!!
If there IS any truth to 'no pain, no gain', then: I've must have surely GAINED A HECK of ALOT from yesterday. Ouch!!!!!! It's days like today, that I wish that we had a jacuzzi ... keep bugging Ken, but he isn't interested. Maybe when I finish my dang book, I'll reward myself with one. Incentive to finish, no?
Hey ... just found this article relating to workout pain:
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/270246
This article says 'coffee may help to naturally reduce workout pain.' Go figure?! And I've given up coffee!!! (NOT FAIR!). Wonder if I can have just half a cup? It will probably hurt my stomach less than pain medicines, no? Just have to worry about getting hooked again? Should I risk it? I'll give the meditation one more try first. Anyway, happy day to you!
P.S. A friend of mine just emailed ... apparently, they have another suggestion for pain ... : )
11/7/2009 Still in PAIN at 2:00 a.m. ... I had forgotten about 'Biofreeze': a camphour-menthol blend -- with a few other herbs -- designed to relieve muscle pain. I found a tube in the bathroom late last night (from a work related injury a while back), while searching frantically for some relief. Biofreeze is available at most chiropractors ... don't know if it is available at drug stores? Anyway, it soothes aching muscles with a deep penetrating, cool tingling senstation. It REALLY helps! Thanks to Biofreeze, I was able to sleep last night.
Going to have to find a new secret garden ... sorry, no clues this time ... this will be garden #4. I wish that some of my friends lived closer. Might not need a secret garden then? ... Nope ... probably still would. I guess, when you have a hard time trusting other people: you just don't open up enough to let others in on that deeper level. I had hoped that that would change as I got older, but it hasn't. At this point: I'm guessing that it never will? Anyway, I have many things to contemplate ... living with the decisions that I have recently made is not as easy as I had originally thought (hoped) it would be. There are, however, just too many factors beyond me to choose any differently ... that is of course, unless I wish to buy into the 'ME, ME, ME!' centeredness that plauges our world today ... and as of right now, I do not. So for now, I reamain the ever hopeful Duchess.
